I Promise, This Is The Last Madonna Entry -- For A While

This past Saturday was absolutely beautiful. The weather was a humid 90 degrees, making it the perfect day to spend lounging at the pool or canoing down the Potomac River. It was a great day to be outside enjoying nature. I, however, was inside watching TV for 10 hours.

But don't worry, I wasn't alone. I had my closest friends with me. They were all there: Johnny Walker, Jim Beam and, of course, Madonna -- who was 12 hours late. I haven't paid such close attention to a clock since my last blood test, or, since I was at the beach, where it was 11:46 for days.

All day, I was glued to Live Earth waiting for Madonna to make another jaw-dropping performance, which she easily did, at least, from what I remember. Bravo edited the hell out of her "Hung Up" performance; defying all laws of physics. She was at the end of the catwalk singing, then in the next shot, was back on the main stage with her army of dancers. I find this sudden transportation impossible. Then again, she is God, I mean, Madonna.