The other day I played the Oregon Trail for the first time since the 4th grade. But instead of filling my wagon with my idiotic peers, I decided to make the journey with my favorite divas: Madonna, Kylie, Dannii and Bjork. I can't think of a better group of people to drive cross country with. Being pop stars, they wouldn't each much, and I'd save a bunch of money on clothing because Bjork could turn a bear or dead Indian into the latest haute couture outfit.
Things started off well but quickly took a turn for the worst. We were just trying to get to Walla Walla Washington to do some sight seeing; get from point A to point B -- do a little shopping in between.
But before long, Bjork had dysentery, which she would not shut up about. Dannii had diarrhea and Madonna broke her arm, again. They demanded water -- fresh water -- and were rude to every Indian who tried to help us. Madonna was by far the most helpful. Having spent all that time fox hunting on her estate in England made her an expert at shooting deer. Too bad she wasn't strong enough to carry back more than 12 pounds.
We had almost reached our destination of scenic Walla Walla when it happened. Out of nowhere, Madonna died. Just reading that on the screen nearly sent tears to my eyes. I really don't like the idea of her dying, even in a crappy 80s video game.
But for those of you who have been rolling your eyes, and I know who you are, here is a clip from Evita that shows my greatest fear. Enjoy, and if you do, don't ever speak to me again.
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