I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

I was quite surprised to see this wedding announcement in last Saturday's Times. It wasn't because the couple was gay -- they've been printing those since 2003 when Tony Kushner "married" his partner and fellow writer Mark Harris. What shocked me was how beautiful these two women were. Who knew lesbians cleaned up so well. See what they could look like if they just spent a bit more time at the Lancome counter at Macys instead of Home Depot.

Like all articles in the Vows section, this one goes into detail as to how the couple met. No, they didn't meet at a Nascar race or shopping for driveway sealant at Lowes, but through a mutual friend at a Christmas party. Mary, 37, the brunette, left the party that evening thinking she was "happy there was a gay woman in New York who was pretty and smart and that I hadn't dated." Apparently, Mary is a slut. This is without a doubt the first time I've ever been able to identify with a lesbian.

The rest of their tale is one of the oldest stories in the world. Mary invites Leslie, 48, out for drinks. Mary gives Leslie a choice of three different places, to which Leslie is "pretty sure from the names that all the wines came with a screw-off top" -- just like Mary.

Unfortunately, the announcement doesn't say who designed the brides' gowns. But one thing that is obvious is that the ladies were too busy with their own garments to weigh in on the clergy's attire, who clearly stole her slip-and-slide inspired tarp from Maya Angelou's closet.